やりたいことを、まずやる

Just a little over a week ago, I was feeling wistful and disgruntled. I've come to realise that having an ultimate aim spurs me to explore what else I can do to improve myself, pushes me to consider pursuing other things that I've always been interested in but never dedicated enough to do something about it - these will definitely make me feel like my life can be more fulfilling lor. I want to turn my thoughts into actions!! I blogged before about how I can't wait to meet so many people who will change my life potentially. I just need to take the first step, after I take a loooongggg nap.

I have been reading The Secret. :x But I have not started "practicing" it diligently laaa hahah, although now I have more tolerance for idiots. The moment someone annoys me and I feel like I'm gonna start cussing in my mind, I eradicate the awful thought and think positive, think positive :3 Makes my day better and my poor eyebrows don't have to furrow too much.

Another thing The Secret teaches is to be appreciative. I totally need to be reminded. I'm grateful for the guidance I receive at work. For the past 2 days, J has been coaching me as I slowly take charge of S account. I think I'm getting the hang of it.. I'm kept so busy emailing queries, downloading and organising files, discussing work processes with my colleagues, negotiating with translators.. and time just flies lah. And yesterday J told me my emails are neat and she can understand what I'm explaining, today she said I'm doing rather good. :3 And today the A project manager told me it's a pleasure to be working with me. With four exclamation marks at the end of her sentence. :') You know.. It's stuff like that which makes me float around the office contentedly. I'm so pleased with myself. I can't believe, just a week ago I actually felt like quitting. What's this attitude??? Anyway, I'm so thankful..

No more negative, mean, evil thoughts. Maybe 5 seconds is okay, after that concentrate on what you want in life :)

This blog is awesome lah. Each time I come here, I get to consolidate all my thoughts and write them down, re-instill my focus and priorities in life, reflect and feel appreciative of good things. Buroggu, aishiteruyoooon!

wahahaha wahaha

Mama came into my sister's room one night, fluffing her hair and sweeping her fringe around in front of the mirror. I was reading on the bed when I looked up. When she noticed she had my attention, she said, "I chain hairstyle you dunno meh" hahahahhhhhahaaa so I asked her, "Oh you chain hairstyle ah. I saw but not sure you chain hairstyle." Shuyi and I both laughing like dunno whattttt only, mama thought we were excited over her hair. Mama: "Like Peter hairstyle" hahahahahhahhha yaaa.. A bit like the Beatles. Eh my mama chain to peter hairstyle siol hahahaa.

(No I'm not blogging during working hours)

Off in lieu~~

Ohai. I had wanted to go to Kino to get a preparatory book for my new Japanese class.. Since there's no work for me today. But..... I woke up at close to 11am. I dreamt of a humanities exam paper, one of the questions required me to fill in the parts of a refrigerator, another required me to explain the "subset of ice". Har? ... So I procrastinated until 5pm.. All I did today was watch her videos, try and learn the phrases she uses, envy how she can speak Japanese so damn fast, and worry about whether I can move on to PA2 by the end of 16 lessons because my spoken Japanese is really chapalang. Speaking of pre-advanced classes.... yesterday was my first class. Can't believe I could forget the most basic "hajimemashite" and "douzo yoroshiku onegaishimasu". facepalm* Because there were 3 new students including me, we had to 自己紹介 to the other students and I was the first. So I started with my name, what I'm doing now.. Then I stopped and looked at the teacher. Then he just looked at me expecting something else so I thought I didn't say enough so I added my hobby then looked at him again to see the same expression. Hahahaa so I added where I'm working at, how long I've been working for, then I said, "that's all.." in a very small voice... ........... Then my classmate from Intermediate class who got into this class at the last minute (thank goodness) started with "Hajimemashite. Justin desu" and said his hobby and ended beautifully with a "douzo yoroshiku onegaishimasu" AHHHH SOUUUUUU KAAA that was what I had thrown out the window, I realised then. So embarrassing..... And the other new boy didn't forget too. Then the other old students introduced themselves without forgetting those two silly phrases too. Why nobody whispered to help me. ひどい！The whole class was very conversational, and all about speaking and listening. Different topics came up, from hobbies to travel to star gazing to part-time jobs to unpaid phone bills to lovers.

Listening isn't a problem, but I get SO nervous when I have to speak, and the sentence ends up becoming very basic which really frustrates me, I couldn't think of any of the sentence structures we learned in the last class. But the other students don't seem to be very excellent either haha. haha. haha. When the teacher asked if we had many questions for the other students, I asked how long they have been in this class, and learned that most of them are past the 16 lessons and haven't moved up. Ohboy.... Apparently on the 15th lesson, he will let you know if you should stay on or move up to the next level. Actually I think it's also okay to stay longer than the 16 classes to get even better slowly. 1.5 hours each lesson, for 16 lessons, seem quite short lor.

And so I didn't do anything productive today, and felt like I was having one of those awesome days in Perth, chilling away in front of the computer. Haiyaaa there's so much more I have to do lah if I want to do well :]

好きに考えて悪いか！！

I just need to write this down to set firm what I intend to pursue in the near future. What you're gonna read below are real thoughts of a very serious, serious osd.

At 18, I honestly did not know what I wanted to study in University, coupled with the fact that I did not score very outstanding results. With a single naive thought that I "like to write", I chose to study Journalism in Curtin. What resulted from a three-year long university journey was a new direction in life and a purpose to pursue a new interest discovered from... boredom. Bored on a lonely night in Perth, I resorted to drama streaming, not the usual Grey's Anatomy, Heroes and Lost but Japanese dramas with English subtitles... The rest is rainbow puking history but that is another story for another day.

I wouldn't say I enjoyed my course because it involved chasing for interviewees and coming up with news stories which I later found out I did NOT like to do, but whenever writing was involved, I really enjoyed doing it. Three years is more than enough for any young adult to figure out what he does not want to do for a living, unless you are a really ダメな人 .. And so I realised I did not want to have a career in News Journalism, although it was the only thing I was trained up for. And that is the sad truth I have not told my father. And also why I did not bother to find a job in Perth, nor did I care for internships. Instead, I used the feeble excuse that I wanted to go home to Singapore where everyone is. If there's anything I'm confident about after my university course, it's knowing my grammar and writing skills do not pale in comparison with my Australian peers'. *bhb* Maybe the Singapore accent lose only lah.

About said interest discovered in Perth, I had grown an obsessive love for the Japanese language (July 2009), so strong that: it was the only class I was willing to wake up during cold winters to go for, so strong that I took great pleasure in studying and doing assignments for, so strong and so gratifying to get (almost) full marks each exam, watched shows in slow motion just to catch what they were saying so I could learn new words and grammar, made friends from different countries just because we shared the same interest, and had one of the best trips to Japan.. So strong that even now I want to become even better at it. But not so crazy now lah.

When I came back home for good (Mid June 2011), I got into frequent squabbles with my mum and brother about my career direction. They thought that me wanting to teach in Japan was a very far-fetched idea. Personally I couldn't see myself doing it for more than 5 years straight too. I also did not know what job to look for then so I was very upset and angry with life all the time. When I found my job (Sept 2011), I toyed with the idea of Gaijinhan's method for almost a year, but up until yesterday I abandoned the idea because I am terrified with the prospect of diminishing 2 years' worth of savings over a 6-month intensive Japanese study while trying to secure a job and risking failure.

For a while now I have been waking up to images of myself waking up in a small room in Japan. Do you see how crazy that is.... I see myself living there, cycling to school to teach English to Japanese kids, making conversation with them and hanging around in classrooms after school just like when I taught in AI sec, and then cycling home along a river bank ahaha this one is plain daydreaming. (Dunno if this is the law of attraction poop or not).. I want to travel to all the hot springs and eat all the food and take all the photos. I'm sure the whole thing won't be a bed of roses, but I want to try. Give me the chance to do it until I see the ugly side, until I hate Japan and leave. To be given the chance, I need to give myself a push forward, research and prepare well. So I'm thinking of trying for JET, not this year, maybe when applications open end of Sept 2013. It will be competitive but I must at least try because it will be worth it. I wonder why I didn't give it a serious thought before when I've heard so much about it already. Too much hassle and too afraid....

I've been thinking about the whole affair since dunno how long already, and deciding how best to work towards this aim. It feels like I'm closer and closer each day but the progress is so slow. I might have mentioned an initial plan somewhere and looking back, I have accomplished two items! And I hope this doesn't fizzle out too soon, nor will anything bad happen to make me dismiss my plans. Even if they do, I'm sure there are other good things waiting.

。。。

今はとても快適に過ごしているので、行くか、行かないか、未来のことで悩んでいる。

Grumpy

Tiring day at work. Squeeze with ungracious scumbags in the trains, come home drained, and see my siblings have gobbled up all the dinner, leaving scraps of leftover food for me. So thoughtful one.

Oh ya regarding all your daily complaints, maybe if you ask my BACKSIDE if it cares, you might get a reply if you're lucky. So there~

Weekends

No more driving lessons on weekends. No more driving lessons on weekends ahemm no more driving lessons on weekends~~~~ Better late than never - after 5 years of delay, I finally got my driving license and my card came yesterday. Parents went back to Tangkak yesterday, siblongs went out for lunch together today, and I drove us home, my brother supervising me on my left. I think I'm okay on the road, but my brother had to remind me twice not to slow down when I was changing lanes. And also to take the left lane after making a right turn because the car behind might want the outer lane. Ah ok I will remember. I always look forward to long weekends.... But then everything get messed up. Every single time.. I stay up late, wake up early, eat and then take long afternoon naps, wake up, eat eat eat and flop on my sister's bed complaining I have nothing to do, then sleep even more, wake up, eat, take a last evening nap on Sunday evening, can't get to sleep at night, then suffer on Monday morning. Buhhhhhhhhh.... Can't wait to get to work tomorrow really!! And I need my Japanese classes to start again. Can't waittt.. P.S: Please let my access card and keys be in the office tomorrow.

I always want to be better than you.

東京最高だったじゃん！

I am back from my Tokyo trip. It was a trip of many firsts! It was goood~~ but regrettably, second best to my 2010 trip. No matter because it was still very awesome to take a break from work. I met my cousin on 25th March and gave her the banana cake. The banana cake... with a very interesting story behind it. On the way to Changi airport, we had to turn back because I left it at home. At Haneda airport, I had to return to the plane because I left it in the top compartment. Thankfully I met a stewardess carrying it out when we ran back. Then when we set off from the ryokan to meet my cousin, I had to turn back again because I left it in the fridge... Photo with the stupid cake and my very intelligent Tokyo Uni cousin.

Sights of Shibuya and Harajuku. *yawn*

Because I am lazy and grumpy, you get photo collages. This, below, is of a little girl who didn't want to pose properly for her mum, us around Ikebukuro at night, and Puroland for little kiddies on 26th March.

On 27th, I met Yurina and Manami for Disneysea. Photo with Cruella de Vil!



And we went to Kamakura the next day which was absolutely beautiful. I ate dango and shabu shabu!

We went for shabu shabu back at Ikebukuro. Wouldn't have known how to order without Manami. We tried spring vegetables too... Goooood, though they tasted like something we have here!

The next day, we visited Namja Town and chanced upon gyoza Arashi promoted on Shukudai-kun. Please. Apparently the dudes proclaimed, "Kore zettai ume-!" and nomnomed all... But, this is an example of expectations vs reality. Hahaha. Oily oily greasy greasy.


At Ikebukuro, I bought a new bag for work, and another bag because I liked it..... Ate a cute ice cream and bought snacksss. Why I had to document the process, I dunno also.

Then we went back to the ryokan to rest and headed out to Odaiba for Oedo Onsen Monogatari. It was the most pleasant experience to sit in hot water outdoors though the indoor 41degrees one was a bit too much haha, and women's naked bodies didn't scare me nor turn me on so it was all good (but I didn't get to roam around Odaiba so... Next time I guess! Photos...

Excited...

Ooooooooooohh...

Flushed faces, warm bodies~ And delicious sushi~

And I met Miho the next day, who took care of me the whole day- who reeeaaalllyyyy took care of me the whole day, including bringing me to the Ramen museum, Sankeien Garden and Yamashita Koen in Yokohama, paying for all my train tickets, all the food and refused any of my money. Luckily I brought her some local Bengawan Solo munchies... Miho's really the best. I had trouble using my card to withdraw money because I was running out of yen. I couldn't believe I could actually run low on money.... I usually manage my money well.. Miho brought me everywhere I wanted to go, we went to so many places to try withdrawing cash, then she insisted I take her 10000yen (T_T) and told me that even if it takes twenty years, I can pay her back when we see each other again, and that even if I forget, it doesn't matter. With reluctance I took her money.. Ohhh I'm not gonna forget.

At Sankeien Garden... Photos.. Walked a lot.......

Where photos are concerned, this compilation is as lazy as I can get.. I am such a crap photographer, but the photos turned out okay this time because of my very kakkoii camera. Nah, Yokohama at night. Kanransha is ferris wheel. Matcha chiffon cake. The red brick buildings are called 赤レンガ.. Flower festival. Yea you get the picture~

Above, that's Miho on the phone with Kaori, who's still in Sydney so I can't see her this time. And that's dinner, the thinggg on the right is super yummy, it's like okomiyaki but only better with noodles in there.

Then we visited Ueno and Asakusa the next day before we went home. And the train transfers to Narita were homg too longggg. It was rainy rainy windy cold cold very cold terrible terrible.

Tokyo in Dec 1998, Tokyo in Nov 2010, Tokyo in Mar 2012. No more Tokyo for me, until I have children to bring to Disneyland and Disneysea. Oh but I am definitely still returning to Japan :) Yup that's all. Work begins tomorrow :(

Hello

And so I realised that since attaining my license, I have only convinced one person (that's the one traffic police who took me for the test) that I should be allowed on the road.. Apparently there are two more people I have to gain the trust of, and they are my very distrustful and "kia si" parents. Wtf. No patience and no confidence in me I tell you. No patience to let me try parking without screaming at me (the mother), no confidence that I could have even passed (the father) Hello why like that? When I don't wanna earn, you tell me to learn. When I learn, you tell me don't learn. When I fail, you say I can pass on the next try. When I pass later, you think I should go back and learn again izzzzzit? Wtfwtf? You think I didn't seriously put in so much time and effort ah. Then when I wanna practise, you don't let me try.... WHY? Is it because I don't have a penis??? Bloody penises.

Anyway, I had a dream of an Arashi concert last night even though I have not been watching a single video of them in a while. If there's anything I gained from the dream, it's an understanding of how I would react during a future concert. And it's not a pretty sight but I would totallyyyy blend in with the crazy Ohno fan girls.. I think. Oh well~ Japan in two days~~ My favourite place in the world. I will never return!